The Lord hath appeared of old unto me, saying, Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee.” —Jeremiah 31:3 KJV
Several times now, I’ve experienced something that has caused me to pause and ponder and doubt, questioning myself and giving way to the enemy’s lies allowing them to penetrate and wound. Lowering my shield, yet again. (Ephesians 6:17) I admit I’m really horrible at lowering my shield, too lazy or tired to hold it high in the midst of this spiritual battle we face daily. No longer the fierce warrior I started out as but just another spectator, it feels like, on the battlefield trying not to get caught by a passing fist, dart, attack on those around me. Every now and then a familiar voice, stern yet loving, calls out to me, “lift your shield!
Don’t just stand there, fight!”
Every word of God is pure: he is a shield unto them that put their trust in him. Proverbs 30:5 (KJV)
Sometimes, a lot of the time recently, I fail to lift my shield fast enough, too hesitant, allowing one fiery dart after the other to hit and penetrate deeply. Leaving me gasping for breath, full of pain and confusion, leaning into my commanders’ chest as He pulls me up to my feet. Reassuring me that the poison from the darts is nothing but lies as he plucks one after the other from me. “You know better. Don’t allow him to hurt you. Don’t allow doubt to take root. This battle is already won.”
… Thus saith the Lord unto you, Be not afraid nor dismayed by reason of this great multitude; for the battle is not yours, but God’s.” —2 Chronicles 20:15 (KJV)
Admittedly, I too often allow the lies, the poison, to seep in deep. Causing me to withdraw from God and those I love. Too busy trying to heal my own self by hiding in a dark corner, not wanting anyone to see just how bad the blows received hurt me. Somehow managing to push the poison deeper into my spirit with each attempt at self-healing.
The enemy knows how to wound me deeply. Knows just which darts/lies to use to cripple me fast and quick. All the time they seem to come out of nowhere. Words. Actions. They would seem like small simple stuff to others but to me not so much.
For example, last night as we got ready to go to church it was brought to my attention that I had forgotten to ask my brother for a needle and thread so that I could sew a button onto my husbands’ shirt collar. Every solution I tried to come up with was not the solution to the problem. One dart after the other struck as I wracked my brain in how to fix his shirt before church, I’d only packed the one. It didn’t take long for the poison to settle in and take effect. Causing me to question yet again in God’s pairing us up. To withdraw my self spiritually. I’m too forgetful. Simple things I intend to do I often forget because I’m too focused on something else, or my inexperience causes me to fall short of how I would like them to be for him. Maybe I’m nieve here but I think Mathew deserves amazing things. I should be able to do simple things for him, but am not always able to do it seems.
“He deserves better. How are you always so forgetful. He doesn’t ask much out of you. You’ve become too clingy. Don’t sit too close. You say the wrong thing/laugh at the wrong thing far too much. You show too much flesh. You’re not that good of a Christian, he’s further into his relationship with God than you are. More connected. You’re too worldly and he sees that.”
On and on the enemy’s lies go. Penetrating deeper and deeper. Sometimes causing me to consider how I can free my husband of a lifetime with me, even though I don’t want that. That’s when God reminds me of what he showed me back before my husband and I ever thought about getting married. Back to when we were just “silent” friends not really sure how to strike up a conversation with one another. Back before God took him “away” from me, forcing me to admit just how much he meant to me. He is my Adam and I am his Eve. Bone of his bones, flesh of his flesh. Why do I forget this? Why do I allow the enemy to cause me to doubt this?
The answer is simple. I’ve forgotten how to truly fight this never-ending spiritual battle. Like Alice, I have lost my “muchness.” I fail to remember to give it all to God, even the small mundane things that I feel like I shouldn’t bother him with, the things I can take care of myself. I’ve relied on self-healing rather than giving all to God and allowing Him to heal all. Often forgetting that He loves me too much for me to rely on self. He is my Father, my God, and wants to take care of and fight on my behalf. I just have to remember to surrender all and to whom to surrender.
So, whatever you are facing today. No matter how big or small or mundane as it may seem in your eyes. Surrender all to your heavenly Father and let Him take care of you. Reclaim your muchness that you had in the beginning, being bold, brave, and fully strapped in your armor.
♥† Jessica Quinn